UK doesn’t like Belgium

Dear UK citizens,

I’ve read the report of our little country by your newspaper The Sun. Since it would be all to easy to attack the newspaper itself, we decided to not get into a fight. On the contrary, I adore London and would like to continue visiting it.

Since you obviously don’t like our country, we decided to get some stuff back so you don’t have to be confronted with our country in your daily routine. So:

  • We hereby stop the export of Stella Artois and all other Belgian beer (like Duvel).
  • We also have to revoke your license to ever produce chips. We invented those little sticks of potato so you’ll have to serve mashed potatoes with your fish from now on.
  • Same goes for waffles I’m afraid =/
  • The Sun apparently forgot to mention our chocolate is worthless. No worries, you won’t see a piece again, ever.
  • Should anyone of you visit our country, which is unlikely of course (why would they?), we hope you learn one of our languages (lots of choice: dutch, french, german… pick one!) since we won’t be willing enough to speak yours from now on.
  • Stop using saxophones. Probably a dull instrument anyway, isn’t it?
  • No more cricket. Don’t worry, you can keep beating everyone with soccer!
  • We’re looking into the diamond business, I’ll come back to you on that one.

I hope this helps. The fashion-district in Antwerp told us none of it’s designs ever reached your country so we won’t have to cut back there.

Best of luck,

13 replies on “UK doesn’t like Belgium”

you forgot to mention they have to stop weaving stuff…

The First British Weavers were in fact Flemish people who fleed Flanders because of the french occupation.
Also lets not forget that their royal family is family of the Belgian one, our first king was even married with a British Princess.
Also they need to:

– stop operating people, the first person to start dissect people and documentate it was a Belgian: Vesalius
– stop using maps: the first most detailed maps came from a Belgian: Mercator
– send back Fellaini, Kompany and De Laet
– not go to the olympics.. because their boss is a belgian

They have a massive collection of music, so stop annoying them. We need them to export everything from the Beatles to the Arctic Monkeys and Aphex Twin. Everything else coming from the UK is useless.

ondertussen zijn we het hier met zijn allen in het …. Engels aan het uitleggen.Graag in één van ONZE landstalen graag.

We’ll repatriate all those paintings of your royal family that were created by Antwerp-born Sir Anthony Van Dijck .

Well said my friend…

Although I really hesitated to read on after the words “newspaper The Sun”.

I mean… The Sun… Their words have less truth in them than Bush Junior’s declaration about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq…

The British have stolen everything in the world and have put it in The British Museum. The are so ashamed about this that they don’t dare to ask an entrance fee! Let’s make a raid on the Museum and bring everyting back to where it belongs … The Acropolis, The Rosetta Stone… Then we don’t need to cross the Channel anymore. We will be liberated from their disgusting fish & chips, their dishwater beer and their horrible pies…

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