Dear UK citizens,
I’ve read the report of our little country by your newspaper The Sun. Since it would be all to easy to attack the newspaper itself, we decided to not get into a fight. On the contrary, I adore London and would like to continue visiting it.
Since you obviously don’t like our country, we decided to get some stuff back so you don’t have to be confronted with our country in your daily routine. So:
- We hereby stop the export of Stella Artois and all other Belgian beer (like Duvel).
- We also have to revoke your license to ever produce chips. We invented those little sticks of potato so you’ll have to serve mashed potatoes with your fish from now on.
- Same goes for waffles I’m afraid =/
- The Sun apparently forgot to mention our chocolate is worthless. No worries, you won’t see a piece again, ever.
- Should anyone of you visit our country, which is unlikely of course (why would they?), we hope you learn one of our languages (lots of choice: dutch, french, german… pick one!) since we won’t be willing enough to speak yours from now on.
- Stop using saxophones. Probably a dull instrument anyway, isn’t it?
- No more cricket. Don’t worry, you can keep beating everyone with soccer!
- We’re looking into the diamond business, I’ll come back to you on that one.
I hope this helps. The fashion-district in Antwerp told us none of it’s designs ever reached your country so we won’t have to cut back there.
Best of luck,
Kevin